1 Year

Today is a special day :-)

A year ago, today, I met a wonderful man. It's hard to believe that we've been together for an entire year. We've had ups and downs, but if you can believe it, we've never had a fight (not real sure how that's happened). He's pretty incredible, and I love spending time with him. We're having a special dinner and whatnot tonight, and then having a little get together with some friends on friday. I don't know what this next year will bring, but I am so grateful for this past year, and that he's in my life.

We actually met on bear411... who woulda thunk?


More to come...

Finals, Understanding, and Luck

Final papers, projects, and exams, so close to being done with this school year. It's hard to believe that this time next year I'll be graduating from college. It feels like it was just a few months ago that I stepped foot on campus for the first time. I think I'm going to take summer courses to lighten my load next year.

I talked with the mentor guy today. I think we're on a greater level of understanding on both our parts. He's not very knowledgeable about my whole situation, so I was able to tell him where I'm coming from, and what I've come to believe, and how I've come to this point. I will say that I have nothing but the utmost respect for him because he could have shut me out, thrown me out of the department, and called the deans and had me kicked out of school, but he's open to conversation. He's open to talking about it, and learning about it because all he's ever known about homosexuality is what's been hatefully spewed from pulpits. So he's going to read up on it, talk to some of his trusted mentors, and then we'll talk again. I count myself VERY lucky that he has this kind of attitude about it.

Everyone I've talked to about all of this has asked why I'm so loyal to this school, and wouldn't it be easier to just transfer. To answer, all I can say is that I'm not real sure; maybe it's because this is where I'm suppose to be right now, maybe it's because I know I'll survive, and come out stronger because of it. I don't know, the thought of transferring never really crossed my mind as a serious out. I'm not some happy-go-lucky-glass-is-half-full kind of person but to be real honest, I'm not worried about it all, because I know it will all work out.

More to come...

Sunshine

Today was one of those fantastic spring days, where the sun is shining, there's a few clouds, the air is cool and crisp. These are my favorite kind of days. Days like these absolve my worries, and make me love life again. I was starting to lose hope and faith in humanity, however cliche, and juvenile that sounds. I mean, I've always been the kind of person to look for the best in people, to always give a person the benefit of the doubt. But in these last weeks I've found out that the very people I thought I could trust, and thought actually cared about me, blabbed the things I told them in confidence to whoever they felt like. These were my closest friends, the ones that you are suppose to be able to depend on, and they just went around telling the things that I trusted them with, and going so far as to make up stories to go with it. I guess it just goes to show that you can't really trust anyone.

Anyways, enough depression. Sunshine and fresh crisp air always makes things better.

BTW all this gossip and whatnot is the cause of that group confronting me. Apparently some of the guys actually believed that I was running a male escort service and living with my pimp. I'm shocked that they would just simply believe it.

More to come...

When will we Love?

I'm just gonna say it, this whole situation blows, and NOT in the good way. I've been thinking about it alot, needless to say. I've questioned every little thing. Looked at it from every point of view I can think of, asked others opinions on what I should do. So pretty much I've let my mind take over, and my mind isn't good with making decisions like this, especially when it's such a big and controversial thing.

I've totally tuned out my heart. I should have never done that. God has given me a heart that has never been wrong before, when I listen to it and do what it tells me. I can't trust rhetoric, I can't trust people trying to persuade me, I can't trust others thoughts on the subject, I can't trust agendas. I can only trust what my heart tells me. I CAN ONLY TRUST WHAT MY HEART TELLS ME. And what it's telling me is what I've known all along, that I've been through a ton of shit, and come to believe what I believe for a reason. It's telling me to hold strong to what I believe, because it's right for me. It may not be right for them, but it's right for me. No one in the world can tell me I'm wrong when in my heart I know I'm not. This is not me being stubborn or close-minded, this is me doing what's best for me, what my heart is telling me.



I don't want to lie, I don't want to decieve, but if that's what it takes to guard my heart, then I will, because if I lose my heart, then what do I have left?

I will all work out, I believe for the best. I will survive, I always do.

I wish I would've figured this out earlier, could have saved weeks of stress and worry.





I'm just mad at this whole situation. I mean, if people had character, and were actually trustworthy and acted out of Love, I wouldn't be in this mess. We're in the 21st century, and people are still prejudice, and full of hate, and afraid of what they're ignorant of.

When will we grow up? When will we learn? When will we Love?



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More to come...