It's kinda hard to believe that I've come this far. It seems like it was just a couple of months ago that I was moving into the dorms for the first time as a shy freshman. It amazes me how much I've grown up, how much I've learned; but it amazes me even more to think of how far I still have to go, and how much I don't know. I think that being smart isn't as much about how much you know, but more of knowing how much you don't know.
A couple weeks ago I found out that one of my friends was going around badmouthing me to other people--talking to them about how I'm gay and what I want to do with my life. This kid came to me last semester because he was struggling with being gay and going to our Christian university. I took it as an opportunity to mentor him. I didn't tell him if he should be gay, or try to pray it away or anything; I just told him what I have gone through, and where I am today in hopes that it would give him an idea on what he should do.
He was doing some pretty risky things on and off campus. I told him over and over to be careful, that he could have fun, just don't do anything on campus, and DON'T TELL ANYONE ELSE that he is gay. I told him about my ordeal where people were making up rumors and spreading them all over campus, and I didn't want the same thing to happen to him. I thought it was pretty clear when I emphasized not to tell people about him, that he shouldn't tell people about me, but some people just don't get it.
Anyways, one of my other friends came and told me that this guy was talking about me, this was right before my senior recital so I decided to just let it go for a while and deal with it after my recital. I messaged him on facebook over spring break and decided to go easy on him...this time. I told him that I had worked too hard, and come too far to let some stupid little freshman with a big mouth ruin everything for me; and how dare he badmouth ME when he came to me for help and advice...especially when he's going through the same thing.
It never ceases to amaze me how people will be the first to point out someone else's problems, when they're dealing with the exact same thing. I guess they think that if they draw attention to someone else it will take the focus off of themselves and their own problems.
Why can't we be honest with ourselves? Why can't we face our problems head on? Is it fear? It shouldn't be...everyone deals with something.
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