Coming out to my dad

I have an interesting relationship with my father. We've gotten closer over the last year than we ever have been, all due to me coming out to him. Oh yeah, I should probably mention that he's gay too. My mom found out that he was cheating on her with a guy and found porn on the computer, so she asked him to move out the summer after my freshman year of highschool (I tried to come out to my mom around this time, but it didn't really work, all that will be in another post). This was LONG before I came to terms with myself (back when I hated myself and thought it was a sin) and I hated him for what he had done. I mean, yeah he could have gone about the whole situation in a better way, but we all make mistakes. Anyways, my mom is the one who told my brother and I why my dad was moving out, and she told us that he was gay, and she tried to get him to go to counseling and save the marriage, but he wouldn't. My dad never knew that I knew exactly why he got kicked out of the house. But I'm sure his gaydar knew I was gay too...

Spring break of 2009 I met a guy on bear411, and we started dating. We lived about 4 hours apart, so we would switch off every weekend driving to see each other. We had been dating for a couple of weeks, and I had this competition thing and he decided to drive down early to see me compete. I decide that that would be a good time to come out to my dad, and introduce him to my boyfriend (I knew he would be okay with it, I mean afterall he is gay too). So, we all went out to eat before my competition and I introduced them. My dad said he had a feeling that it was a boyfriend, when I told him that I had someone for him to meet. It went really well.

After my competition thing was over, and before my dad left to go back home, he told me that he had had a feeling what all of this was about, and that he had a book to give me, The Children Are Free. I've told you about this book in a previous post. It's a great book that goes through the bible and explains all of the verses about homosexuality. It really helped me alot.

So, that's how I came out to my dad. The guy I was dating, and introduced to my dad, and I broke up a couple weeks later (that's a whole other story in itself).

I'd say I'm pretty lucky to have a dad that is gay, and understands what I'm going through. I've heard stories of people coming out to their parents, and the reactions were all over the spectrum, from being loving and accepting and nothing changing, to disowning and never speaking again. My mom still doesn't know I'm gay, although I have a feeling that deep inside she knows and just doesn't want to admit it.

Like I said, my dad and I are pretty close now and talk often, I enjoy getting to spend time with him and his partner, and they both approve of mine.


More to come...

Friends

The other day, I told my boyfriend that I had plans to go out for drinks with one of my friends, he was fine with it, at first. I got home pretty late, and he was already in bed, but the next morning I could tell that he was upset about something. Eventually I got it out of him that he was upset that I went out with my friend and that I didn't ask him if he wanted to go with us. Here's the thing: he's 16 years older than me, I figured that he probably didn't want to go out with a couple of twenty-somethings and sit there while we talked and caught up on life. I made the point that he didn't know her, and we were just going out to talk and catch up, and he made a big deal about how he's made an effort for me to meet all of his friends, BUT I have tons of friends and if I made an effort for him to meet ALL of them, that's all we would do. He's met the ones that mean the most to me, the rest, not a big deal...

I've thought about this quite a bit, and this is what I've come up with:

In straight couples, the guy has his guy friends that he likes to go out to the bar, watch the game, and play poker with, and the girl has her girl friends that she likes to go to movies, shopping, dinner with. And for the most part those don't ever really mingle together. The guy is perfectly fine with his girlfriend/wife/whatever going out with her friends and is more than okay with not joining them, and vise versa.

So what's the deal here? I guess this is only a gay couple situation. I mean, I have those friends that if he thought about it probably isn't that interested in meeting and getting to know, that I want to go out with from time to time. And that should be okay. I'm totally fine with him going out with people without me, even if it's someone I do know. I just don't think it's that big of a deal...