I've held others, but find myself wanting nothing more than to just hold him again, if only for one more night. It makes me question if this is what's right, if this is what's best. Call me overdramatic, but I really do wonder if I'll ever feel like that towards another person.
It's days like today that I find myself missing him. A beautiful day for a walk by the river... A quiet evening at home... A cool crisp night, perfect for a fire in the backyard...
But lately I've been asking myself, "is it him that I'm missing? or is it having someone there everyday, someone to go through life with, to share life with, that I'm missing?" Yes, I love him, and I'll probably always have some kind of love for him, but If I could change things and get back with him, would I? That's a tough question. After everything I've gone through I can't say that I would. Yeah, we could work through the problems that caused the breakup, but there are other things that I found out after we split that I don't think I could get past...
So I guess with that said, it's the 'having someone there' that I miss. Having that someone special to flirt with, act goofy with, cuddle, hold. It's not him that I miss, it's the idea of him that I miss. But I'm not saying that I'm not okay with being single, I'm actually kind of enjoying it (for now...lol). Really, I'm too busy right now with school and everything to get involved with anyone (although there is someone that's caught my eye). I'm just having a good time dating a few guys, waiting for that one that's caught my eye to come around. I'll write more about that in another post.
However there still are the times that I'll see or hear something that reminds me of him and I'll reminisce about the time we had together. I'll always cherish that time. I can honestly say that I'm a better man for loving him the way I did.
More to come...
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