One For a Season

Last night one of my friends asked me, "how do you know when you've found that someone special?" So I told him how I felt the last time it happened for me. I told him it's the feeling of absolute excitement to see that you have a text message or email from the person; thinking about them all the time; don't mind being late if it means getting to spend a few more moments with them; want to know everything about them; want to spend as much time as possible with them; get butterflies when you see a picture of them, or your phone rings and it's them.

This got me thinking about love. How do you know when you're in love? How do you know if you've been in love? Is there some sign? Some feeling, or thought? Does love last forever? And if it does, then when you break up with someone you thought you loved, was it actually love?

I don't know.

I can't say for sure.

This also got me thinking about my ex. I know I loved him. Us breaking up was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and it's taken a lot for me to stick to my guns. I know I loved him because I've never cried over someone before. I know I loved him because seeing him out with his new bf killed me. The thought that someone could make him happier tore me up. I know, that's selfish. When you're not the one, you're not the one. When your hearts don't quite fit together, there's nothing you can do. Sometimes the person you fall in love with isn't the person you're meant to be with forever.

Just like there are seasons in life, there are people you need for just a season. Some help you grow, some keep you stable, some are there to show you that the next season will be even better. There are many "one"s that we're meant for, just not forever.

He was my "one" for that season, and I'll always be thankful for the season I had him.

I'm not the kind that thinks the time with an ex was wasted. I learned a lot about myself, about who I want to be, about the kind of person I want to be with; all of the above is a constant search, ever-changing, as I am becoming who I'm supposed to be.

All I can say is that I hope to someday find the "one" who's meant for forever; and I hope that all of the "one"s from the past prepared me to love him the way he needs, to be the perfect person that fits his heart effortlessly.

More to come...